Seeing Self

Seeing Self

First of all, it's been too long. Life's been life-ing, and I've put this little baby on ice. I've used this portal to document my journey, my creativity, my life. And for the past year and a half, I've felt that I've been sucking at life, to be 100. I went through a bad friendship break-up, actually a few. And being a new resident of California to expand in my jewelry craft, feeling super raw, insecure, and far from what I knew. Thankfully because God is right on time, I was able to connect with people who were gracious enough to pour into me, and give me the support that I needed at the time. Living paycheck to paycheck to pay my $2000 rent for a studio, by the skin of my teeth, every month. I still managed, however, to build and maintain a garden on the property where i was renting; it kept me grounded and busy. I cooked outside over an open fire a lot; cooked enough to shared with neighbors too...& warmed my Spirit. I also picked up a new favorite hobby, skating lol. I loved skating in this parking lot by my studio, music blasting in my headphones and chatting along with passer-byers. But, I felt like because i was working so hard to make ends meet, I didn't have the funds to put into my craft the way I wanted to. It just felt like it was taking too long lol. I spent a lot of time taking public transportation (which is super interesting in California btw) that by the time i got home, all i wanted to do was eat, shower, & sleep. Public transit had me exploring nonstop, though. I would get up early, run my errands, and find new ways to the local beach. And even though my funds were tight, I still connected with others who were supportive and expressively sexy in my pieces!!! 

Life be showing out, and I'm eternally grateful to myself for continuing to show up for me, and everyone who has patronized my craft in any way. SUPER GRATEFUL!

I was not able to stay in California, and abruptly moved back to Georgia overnight. I battled with feeling like a failure and a disappointment to myself and others. I thought that because that I was back living with family that I was at a setback in a major way. With my moon in 6th house, in Aquarius... i struggle with overwhelming myself in negative thoughts... the spiral be real sometimes. But nah, I was really struggling mentally and it was a transition. But at the same time, the setting was so healing to me. I needed to feel and be closer to home. I needed to feel embraced and loved. After living on the west coast for almost 4 years, I felt like I was so far from home, family, and from what I knew. It felt good to surrender, to be nurtured, and to honestly not worry about rent for a while. Even though I was uncomfortable not being in my own space, I made it work. And it turned out that my family needed me just as much as I needed them. I found a job in my field almost immediately and was promoted. I was able to get a cute vehicle to ride around in. I've been healthily dating, ooouuuu. And I just moved out my folks place, establishing my own sacred space. I moved back here in January and it's been life changing, to say the least. 

God is so good. 🤍

 

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